Well folks, this blog entry seems to come at a time when I would most rather be celebrating. But unfortunately, I just discovered that I did not win this huge album art contest I had put a great deal of personal time and effort into. Some of you know that I had created a large mural painting on canvas for the German Band, Stanfour, hoping they would recognize a "true artist's" work and select an image created by my hands, bushes, paint and canvas, rather than a graphic design image made via the insides of a computer. I had spent an entire month creating this painting and image for the band. I had spent weeks making a time lapse video to share my process with the world. I promoted the band, I tweeted, I Facebooked, I blogged, I sent emails to my client base to support my work and vote for me!
For a sold minute, or two, or three, I was just plain pissed off. How could I have lost? I prayed about winning. I was mindful about my work. I had the support of a village behind me. I got "53 hearts" for crying out loud! The winner and second place only got 16 hearts a piece. I had done positive affirmations the past 24 hours that I had "already won" the #STANFOURCOVER contest. And then I logged into my computer and saw I had been defeated.
In my few moments of wallowing in self-pity, I realized that this isn't how I wanted my afternoon to go. I didn't really enjoy the self-wallowing. I really didn't enjoy looking at that webpage and seeing another artist had been selected. So what did I do next? I turned my head from my computer, I looked around my studio and I said a small prayer of gratitude, to the powers that be, to allow me to continue to create. I looked at my larger than life-sized paintings of Saraswati and Parvati (similar to the ones hanging in the image above) that I have a God-given gift to be a creative. And one win or one loss is not going to change who I am or what I do or my purpose on this planet.
I am the one that determines my worthiness.
I am the one that honors my true potential.
I am the one creating my own life's path.
If we continue to define our personal worthiness, by someone else's awards, we will ever only be just that - defined by others.
So back to the easel, back to the drawing board, back to the studio I go. I know my purpose on this planet is to make artwork, to make paintings, to honor a person's soul with imagery that I create by my own hands. And when others acknowledge my work, then great! But when I can take a moment to acknowledge my own worthiness, my own accomplishments, by own dear true and brilliant existence as Laurie Maves, my soul shines its brightest.